Really Now

currently listening to: Ingrid Michaelson--Keep Breathing


blogging is addictive.

It can get to your head if you let it to. Makes you think of nothing else but to pour out every thoughts you had left within your brain and soul.

You'll miss out the conversations around you. Misplace important things. Misread the books. Mis-a-whole-lot-of-other-things-in-life.

Lose more precious time in such critical moments.

But this time, just this once, I'll just let it be

Because I need this

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I wrote expressively long paragraphs. Been doing that for almost my whole life. So it was surprising how someone I know would actually read those awfully long sentences fulled of quotes and ramblings with desperate commas to kunun-kunun reduce the looooongness of it all.

For that, I'm deeply touch.

thank you, friends!

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I'm having a mix of feelings right now. With the rainbow of voices in my head speaking and arguing with each other, it's pretty stressful to just listen and not being able to shut them up.

So. I got together some clips of everything in my laptop hoping to define this feeling. To calm all nauseousness before it drowns me.

To make me sober again.

And I found this; the last 4 minutes of Grey's Anatomy season 3 finale. It's poignantly the closest thing that could wash away my heart.

I

am

FREE~ (hopefully)

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lets see,

what I have covered:

1. CVS
2. Renal
3. a bit of Microbs
4. short sem-ed Musculo
5. a bit of Repro
   
6. a bit of Respiratory

what I have NOT covered:

~the rest of it

come Friday, and I can't bear to say what will happen...

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you need, different kind of friends for different stages in life or in different kind of situations.

I have:

a special friend to leak out everything to
a special friend to play the fool
a special friend who argues with you a lot
a special friend who criticize everything you do
a special friend who willing to cover up
a special friend you could ask devastating questions to
a special friend who could guide and teach you

a special friend to attain to each of my voice. They work in different ways at different times.

Even through I treat them differently, I make sure they are cherished in every breath I take. Without them, I'll cease the will to live.

For having them, I am grateful...

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told a secret just now, to a new special person of mine.

an embarrassing secret I've hold off for years.

It was necessary.

now I must decide what do with it, sigh~

but then again, when more than 2 people know about something, it's no longer a secret, innit?

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I'm not the least bit jealous,

the things you planned didn't really worked as planned.

Indeed through how attached I may be, I will always return to my place.

I know my place.

Your actions just reveals how "busuk hati" you are. My heart breaks not out of jealosy, but because I hate to see a good start of friendship disintegrating which subsequently will go down the drain, clogging it and bursting the whole thing after some time.

Please stop.

you are hurting our relationship ( thats yours and mine)

If you really wants it, take it by all means. I'm not going to to quit being my self. I will still be me. I'm not going to curl up and die. There's just so many other things in my life to let this stop me.

I'll forgive for those malicious statements and snickers you have been throwing.

As a special friend said to me " layan je die tuh"

I will,

but I'll be more careful now.

after all, quoting from a friend of mine;

" to forget, divine~"

simple, yet very deep


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it's 3.50 am in the morning and all the pressure points in my head are thumping. So to colour this post?

can't be bothered. Maybe I'll edit it tomorrow.