The Details

On Friday, I choose not to follow the rest of the family for a Penang trip as I wanted to attend the stable on Monday (gile semangatkan??) So I was left alone like Memer (matilah nak same ngn meme, hahaha). Spent my time surfing the net and YM-ing with anyone available. Ordered McD for dinner and done pretty much nothing. (gile bosan kan?) Then on Sunday night, Arab called saying he will be coming home but he doesn't have any keys to the house. So I dragged my feet to cyber and waited for him. Don't wanna write more on it cause I'll just get all pissed off again, huhu. Anyway, on Monday morning, Arip-0-ma picked me up and we went to the stable. we're supposed to finish the report, taking pictures and videos and such. The horses are given off day anyways on Monday. Since there were no one else present, we decided to buy some nasi lemak for breakfast. As soon as we put our nasik lemak on the table, Tuan Aji came and said " pasang saddle Minkha and bawak die ke tgh paddock" we were like "eih?, naper???" And Minkha was restless as ever, kicking and trashing about at her place. She was not being her usual self that one of the staff offered to help put on the saddle. So Tuan Aji then took her to the paddock and asked aArip to ride first. In about 10 mins, Arip had enough and was sweating like crazy. As I mount Minkha (which happens to be one of the horses Tun Mahathir given to UPM), Tuan Aji gave me something long like a stick. It was actually a small whip. then he open up all the assistting equipments i.e; side reign, the red rope and some other buckles. "hold the reign, and do the rising trot yourself" I was like shooooot!! the moment Tuan Aji went out of the paddock, Minkha swung her head making me stumble forward. Had to fight off her powerfull thrush or I'd be landing on the ground. And to top it off, I can make her do anyhting but rising trot. It was damn frustrating. I can make it walk, but when I want it to trot, it'll just canter instead. And she canter real hard, mind you. It took all effort for me to balance myslef. the reign wasn't helping either since IF I moved my hads the wrong way, she'd stop abruptly making me trown forward. Then she'd also thrash about her head and make flipping corner turn whenever the reign was too loose. It was definately challenging! My shoulders and biceps are sore even now!! Owh, and guess what? I was on Minkha for more than 25 minutes!! Tuan Aji kept on making me walk Minkha around the paddock until I can master on how to hold the reign and use the whip. By the time I got off, I had to use both arms to eat a karipap! Both of my hands were shaking from soreness and tiredness. Gile ok~

Then we went to Mines to find some glossy paper (for the report) with Meme. All the way, I walk like a super gangster with a wide 'kangkang' while I was walking. Pedulik haper, thighs aku sakit hokeyh!!We also went to see the movie : NT2: the book of secrets. Was definately a good movie. Too bad I didn't watch the first movie. huhu Right after the movie, We went back home. Had lunch with Arab and Afiq. Learned about Malik's father passed away (al-Fatihah...). When we return home, Zaimi asked me to teman him to meet an agent for a house we're renting in Putrajaya. The house was okayh, it's just that the girls will need to pay two months deposit before going into the house. Hope they managed to collect the money in time. The agent (who turned out to be the son in law of the owner) was very curious as to why Zaimi is looking a house for the girls. Suspect GF zaimi dlam group YM5 takley blah.. hahah.. siap nak korek dpd aku takley blah... ^.^;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

wishing those who celebrate Xmas, a very (belated) HAPPY CHRISTMAS!! I got my present early this year! thank YOU... huhu...

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EDIT: i accidentally saved this post as a draft instead of publishing it.. hahaha

A HOT chocolate

remember this movie??



remember this guy??




remember what he did in the movie??

huhu.

He made a very delicious-looking hot chocolate that I just had to recreate!

so;

half a bar of Lindt 75% chocolate
one cup of full cream milk (stole some from my cat)
about 100 ml of whipping cream (it's a bit too much)
one pair of kit kat bars
two chunk of mashmellow (you could just put one)






grate some chocolate before putting the rest into the milk. bring to boil.

whip up the whipping cream till stiff peak.

spread the cream over the top of the hot chocolate. sprinkle some grated chocolate.

grill the marshmellow and put it ontop of the cream. top it with a bit more cream.

plonk in the kit kat bar. Serve.

weee~

***

actually, I chat about donuts with Milla today and I remembered the simpson movie. Was too late to make a donut or buy any, so I made the hot chocolate instead. hahaha

Wait, Is It Even Possible??

When a writer can't really write anything, it's called a writer's block. So what if a chef can't cook anything? A cook's block?? hehe

Seriously,

I can't cook anything right now. It's all due to my latest condition. I have lost of appetite and frequent spells of nausea. I can't even look at a creamy cake without having to hold myself from puking all over the place. So how can I even cook, and taste food for that matter?? how can I even eat?? For the past few days, all I have been eating is half a plate of rice and plenty of water daily. Serious I'm going to be so thin, I'll cease to exist!!! And if I were to take in more food than that, I'll start getting dizzy and nausea until I can't really talk and I'm forced to lie down.

this is really shit-iously sick!!

I want to eat!! I want to gain weight, not lose more!! And most of all, I want to celebrate raya after the exams!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa!!!

I want to cook!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

hope I'll get better by next week! Until then, the choco production will have to wait... (sigh)

---------------------------------------------

I don't know why, but I've have been thoughts of having kids (gile kan??) lately. First I thought none is the best. Then maybe just one kid. But then he'll be lonely and even spoiled by the parents. So maybe two is enough. Too many kids and you'll end up failing to buy your dream car when you get old. Seriously, I learned that from my Prof okayh!

Want to blame it on the hormones but then again, I want them for all the wrong reasons. One of them being I want to have an excuse to buy those kids furniture. I'll also need some kids to be my food tasters as I love making sweet foods/dessert and I don't think the wife would be willing to swallow all of them. (matilah anak aku sume gigi rosak nanti!!)

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Owh, congrats to all of the first batch students for finishing the second year and everyone passed the Professional Exam!! That's a huge relief :)

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Plans for Raya (hope I'll have enough room to eat :P):

Raya at CUCMS

Open house: Sarah's and Haris's house tomorrow.

Profs: Prof Asmadi and Prof Nasar, here we come!!

Been Thinking

currently listening to : Powerless by Nelly Furtado

just what is bothering me.

I have been peculiarly moody this weekend. It was filled with supposedly joyous occasions but it's not enough to cheer me up. No one said anything yet, but I noticed it myself; I can't seem to make long eye contacts because my eyes feel tired for what seem like an eternity and my face is not putting up those smiles no more, not even the fake smiles. At least not as often as I wanted to. And that makes me look moody and at certain times--angry, even through I wasn't angry at all.And I'm very quite sure of myself, I'm not having any PMS at the moment. So just why am I feeling like this? Hope the other housemates won't notice.

Or perhaps they had but they just remain quiet about it?? owh God...

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Found an old piece of poem stuck between the Biochem SCLs while I was going through the file;


Void, cancelled, simply annulled,
endlessly aching, unconsoled.
Life without you, cause without reason,
touch without sense, time without season,
I face, life now facing a cancerous sore,
A sordid parasite eating at my core,
All that makes me while, all I could hold deep within,
Leaving me lifeless, or at least not living.


A shallow face, anguished and marred.
An empty space, sealed and scarred,
sweetly abiding abiding to a cynical charade,
secretly hiding hind a factious facade,
this fragile and yet unfeeling mass.
Still lost within this heart of glass,
Lies the remains of a love that glowed,
the gift to you I once bestowed.


But honor and pride now bereaved,
by your love for me so misconceived...


the poem is incomplete and I have no idea who wrote it either.
So, thus anyone know who wrote it? and where can I get it? seems like a good one, too bad it's not complete.

---------------------------------------------

My eyes are very drowsy. and I still can't sleep.

Maybe it's because of the exams. Who knows?

---------------------------------------------


:: we all go a little crazy sometimes::

Really Now

currently listening to: Ingrid Michaelson--Keep Breathing


blogging is addictive.

It can get to your head if you let it to. Makes you think of nothing else but to pour out every thoughts you had left within your brain and soul.

You'll miss out the conversations around you. Misplace important things. Misread the books. Mis-a-whole-lot-of-other-things-in-life.

Lose more precious time in such critical moments.

But this time, just this once, I'll just let it be

Because I need this

--------------------------

I wrote expressively long paragraphs. Been doing that for almost my whole life. So it was surprising how someone I know would actually read those awfully long sentences fulled of quotes and ramblings with desperate commas to kunun-kunun reduce the looooongness of it all.

For that, I'm deeply touch.

thank you, friends!

-------------------------

I'm having a mix of feelings right now. With the rainbow of voices in my head speaking and arguing with each other, it's pretty stressful to just listen and not being able to shut them up.

So. I got together some clips of everything in my laptop hoping to define this feeling. To calm all nauseousness before it drowns me.

To make me sober again.

And I found this; the last 4 minutes of Grey's Anatomy season 3 finale. It's poignantly the closest thing that could wash away my heart.

I

am

FREE~ (hopefully)

-------------------------

lets see,

what I have covered:

1. CVS
2. Renal
3. a bit of Microbs
4. short sem-ed Musculo
5. a bit of Repro
   
6. a bit of Respiratory

what I have NOT covered:

~the rest of it

come Friday, and I can't bear to say what will happen...

-----------------------------

you need, different kind of friends for different stages in life or in different kind of situations.

I have:

a special friend to leak out everything to
a special friend to play the fool
a special friend who argues with you a lot
a special friend who criticize everything you do
a special friend who willing to cover up
a special friend you could ask devastating questions to
a special friend who could guide and teach you

a special friend to attain to each of my voice. They work in different ways at different times.

Even through I treat them differently, I make sure they are cherished in every breath I take. Without them, I'll cease the will to live.

For having them, I am grateful...

--------------------------

told a secret just now, to a new special person of mine.

an embarrassing secret I've hold off for years.

It was necessary.

now I must decide what do with it, sigh~

but then again, when more than 2 people know about something, it's no longer a secret, innit?

--------------------------

I'm not the least bit jealous,

the things you planned didn't really worked as planned.

Indeed through how attached I may be, I will always return to my place.

I know my place.

Your actions just reveals how "busuk hati" you are. My heart breaks not out of jealosy, but because I hate to see a good start of friendship disintegrating which subsequently will go down the drain, clogging it and bursting the whole thing after some time.

Please stop.

you are hurting our relationship ( thats yours and mine)

If you really wants it, take it by all means. I'm not going to to quit being my self. I will still be me. I'm not going to curl up and die. There's just so many other things in my life to let this stop me.

I'll forgive for those malicious statements and snickers you have been throwing.

As a special friend said to me " layan je die tuh"

I will,

but I'll be more careful now.

after all, quoting from a friend of mine;

" to forget, divine~"

simple, yet very deep


----------------------

it's 3.50 am in the morning and all the pressure points in my head are thumping. So to colour this post?

can't be bothered. Maybe I'll edit it tomorrow.

For You

This is dedicated to you;





So, if you want something
And you call, call
Then I'll come running
To fight, and I'll be at your door
When there's nothing worth running for When your mind's made up
When your mind's made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind's made up
When your mind's made up
There's no point even talking

You see, you're just like everyone
When the shit falls all you want to do is run, away
And hide all by yourself
well there's no point that's gonna warn to help

When your mind's made up
When your mind's made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind's made up
When your mind's made up
There's no point even talking
When your mind's made up
When your mind's made up
There's no point trying to change it

So, if you ever want something
And you call, call
Then I'll come running

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

don't worry,
just do what you do best.
long hours or not,
you have made your mind,
so, don't give up.
you are not alone,
I'm here for you,

and, thank you.


like farha said "life without stress is so empty"

Under the moonlit sky

Went to Prof. Asmadi's house for fast-breaking (betol ke pekataan nie??) last Friday. It was originally for the sport's committee which include the group1 (first batch) and group 8 (second batch) . tapi kiteorng saje je menyebok tak tau malu gi sane makan2... haha... well, actually, the actual committee members could come, so we filled in their places... since Prof. already cooked for a large number of people. huhu.... Adi forgot to bring the camera (chessss!!) so there'd be no pictures... Lameeee.......haha..

That night, Adi asked if I wanted to join the Qiam at the Putrajaya Mosque. Given the time, the opportunity, the situation... I accepted it (why not, eh??), but not before watching the latest season of Grey's Anatomy, which was not up to my expectation, but gave me a good laugh all the same (gile bongok tiru Dr. bailey tapik tak jadik... hahaha). Ended up going there with Shamson at past 1.00 am or sumthing since the others have went there earlier. When we reached there, it was all quiet and dark, and loomy. As we searched for Wan Daud and Adi (they're supposed to be sleeping by the prayers hall) through they weren't asleep yet... we joined them watching the sky and looking for the new surau/mosque/ something in the dark...

when we finally wanted to sleep, Wan Daud purposed to "let's sleep under the moonlight" . (romentik tol Wanda nie yek?) So, instead of sleeping besides the praying hall, we slept (supposedly) under the sky instead. Hey, if you're not allowed to sleep in the hall, might as well enjoy the view outside right?? There was a full moon, and hundreds of clouds hovering above us that night. It was so nostalgic, I repeatedly had to restrain myself from doing something stupid in a mosque.... hehe...

through when I wanted to sleep, the group opposite us were making so much noise, it's impossible to sleep. I was the nearest to them, so I had to hear them--full blast. First, they were talking about how painful it is to squeeze a baby through a vagina. I was taken a back when I heard the word "vagina" in that place, but then, maybe it's the second batch students revising on repro (they are in the repro block now, anyways) but then, they got more and more intense and somehow the word vagina was mentioned every possible second (gile lah budak2 nie). then they turn to another topic; CHET. They discussed on where and how they're going to get to the CHET visits, how they're going to finnish medicine in 5 years time. It took me a while before I got that theyr'e actually from the third batch. Ouw, and by the time I've noticed, they're already talking about vaginas again... haih... (matilah dengar orang laen nye conversation... tapi, hello... sape suruh memekakk malam2 bute samapai orang nak tido pon takleyh!! )

So since I couldn't sleep at all, I just starred at the sky, watching the clouds engulf the moon before releasing it once a gain. Saw some other shapes too, from elephants to an ostrich to a temple to a giant. I really had fun that night even through there wasn't any stars that night... (gile lah imaginasi tahap budak-budak)

by 4 am, the vagina boys were already asleep, tegolek sume mimpi pasal ape aku tak tau...I think I went to sleep by 4.30 and by 4.50am, we (as in, Wanda, Shansom, Adi and me) woke up and starts to prepare for praying mcm gile. Apparently the whole qiam started by 3.00 am. Shooootttttttt!! I didn't know, nor did I notice any movement in the praying hall... (tulah, sape soh berangan tgk bulan kan!!) So we prayed separately, before joining the others for sahur. After Subuh prayers, I went tot recite the Quran by myself unaware that all of the participants had went down to the auditorium along with their stuff. I’d only realized it after reading the second page: EVERYONE WAS GONE!!

I really thought they had left me or are just playing some tricks. I thought there were supposed to be a tazkirah-of-sort after the prayers… so how come they’ve all went back home?? (bongok tak??) turns out, they were waiting in the auditorium for the tazkirah thing! Good thing I brought my handphone… haha….

One thing I didn't know was that all of the participants that night was from cucms!! patotlah banyak org macam senyum2 kat aku dalam gelap... aku ingat ape hal lah mamat2 nie senyum2 kat aku mase aku baru2 sampai... (well, it was dark, couldn't really see their faces! haha)

Wanda, as I found out the next morning, was also unable to sleep because of the vagina boys making too much noise... ah well... next time, carik port takde budak2 nie... huhu

P/s: name aku masok ppim nye meeting takley blah! Wanda nye keje la nie… hehe…

-----------------------------------------

My nenek saudara i.e; Maharani bt Abdullah died last Tuesday. She was my dad’s auntie, sister to my grandfather (tak reti camne nak ckp…). She wasn’t sick at all according to her family. Sempat jumpe mak aku lagik… give kuih and all… then all of a sudden she died while lying on the bed in the evening.

Al-Fatihah

One-sided

was browsing through the net just now when I stumbled upon clips of sunathon 07 by fellow med students from Russia. Through I didn't go along with the trip, it was fun to see the clips and how most of them (actually all of them) enjoyed it. Majority says they would want to participate in the event again next year. (maybe we could all meet eh??)

but that's besides the point.

In some of the clips there were comments by-judged by their nickname-I'll take a wild guess that they're americans. Some were, slanting the act of circumcision while others try to understand how and why is circumcision performed. some of the negative comments even drag down the women's rights issue on circumcision in Islamic countries. normally, I'd be okay with this kind of reaction. It's normal for them to react in such away as they don't have the same culture . Heck, I've even been discussing about the very issue with some friends of mine.


what bothers me, is that, it seems they're only questioning us (as in Muslims) but not the others. sure the circumcision issue have been debated over the human rights, the babies rights, and power held by the parents. But the eyes have always been towards us whereas other religions condoning such acts are not really "starred at". The Islamophobia isn't helping either. So, it saddens me to see how in 'our' circumcision clips there are bangings and questions, but in the israeli circumcision clips there were even praises. some even said they regret not being circumcised yet. truly, a revelation is it? *sigh*

and that's just circumcision, I haven't even talked about the nuclear power thing. how can the world be so one-sided???

ouh, and it seems the israeli-palestine issue haven't been on the news lately. so what really happen with the peace treaty? having been violated countless of times by the israeli soldiers. do we need to wait until there's massive killing with full-fledge coverage from the media around the world.

let us all pray for our brothers and sisters to end their suffering.

Issues

i woke up in the middle of the night

starring at the ceiling

for hours

thinking

on life
on stress
on weight
on exams
on love
and such

it got my gut twisted

and my heart cringe

when i hear all the voices

eyes dried up from straining

immobilize sore limbs

i lie in bed

uncovered

beneath the shaded moonlight

till dawn breaks

a new day begins

but all i could ever wish,

i wish september would just go away

you are driving me insane,


pls just GO!!

BLS training

someone said that my blog is full of recipes (which is quite an accomplishment) without pictures of myself.

That is sooooo not true eh?? huhu...

so here's a dose of pictures; during the BLS training.... weeeeeeeeeeee










































Hambek ko segedabak.... malas nak label or do the caption... (lom semayang lagik nie, nanti adi kejar aku ngn penyapu! larrriiiiiiiiiii)

Voices in My Head

currently listening to: Shut Up by BLink 182


me: ohw shit, I forgot my pencilbox!

ed: owh, man. how could you?

nadj: aaaaaaa..... ehat to do? what to do? aaaaa... nak pensel!! how would we write?

teiji: let's just call Adi, maybe he'd still be at home.

nadj: but what if he's not? what if he's already here? now?? ahhhh... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

teiji: ignore that freak, just call him. hurry.


-------------------

me: *looks around* garbage everywhere, what the hell happened here?

teiji: this is one big mess. laziness is to blame here.

ed: wtf?? just who did this?

nadj: ahhhhh... look at the sides, there's some foul ooze leaking through the bag... eewww..

ed: thats one hell of a job. what's going on with this f*ck-ing people? can't they do anything?

me: maybe they are too busy.

ed: f8ck you busy with their lives. bullshit. so what if they're busy? don't you have a life too?

teiji: yea, it's not fair for you to this alone..

me: owh well... might as well do it... can't wait for them anyway. *start tie-ing the garbage bag*

nadj: ewwwww........ I don't wanna!!aaaahhhhhh... what if there's maggots! aaahhh

ed: just they wait till they get back home. I'll rip off their f*cking lazy arms. F**KING BASTARDS!!


----------------------

*guys: aku da supply buku/ aku da tolong bukak-kan page/ aku da tlg tgk/ aku tak phm english*

me: hello, nie keje group kan? jom ah buat sekali.

teiji: that's right. everyone have to help out man.

ed: wtf???

nadj: ahhhhh... sempat ke nak siap?is it time? is it time? ahhhhh... I can't do this alone... ahhh..

ed: shut up! oii! tell them to do the damn thing too! why're they dumping all of it on you!

me: it's fine, I can do it.

teiji:....

ed: whatt?? weak bastard! why are you afraid off? let me at 'em!!

me: let's just do it first! it's not like their budging anyway.


---------------------------

*girl: ade ke budak laki pakai facial wasH? tak sangkeee!!!"*


teiji: it's not like we're wearing something illegal

nadj: ahhhhhh... maluuuuuuu.... maluuuuu....

ed: siap ko! lepas nie, abis ko aku kerjekan! ko cakap sikit je, aku bantai bagi mampos! sebok je! biar arr aku pakai ape pon! bukannye aku kaco sedalam mak ko!! siap larr! buat muke tungkik cepat!!

me: *ehem* biase je laki pakai facial wash. skang zaman moden. (muke tungkik)

---------------------------

*at the pasar malam, YM project purposes*

me: shit, I don't know how to approach that makcik!

teiji: just do it, you'll turn up fine. it's not like you're doing anything wrong.

nadj: aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh....... maluuuuuuuu... segaaaaaannnnnnnn!!

ed: shut the f*ck up! just go already!! or are you a wuss?

me: *gulp*

teiji: go now, the coast is clear!

me: okeyh... here I go...

---------------------------------

me: I'm too tired to study now.

nadj: yea... but the exam is just around the corner!! takoooootttttttttt!!!

teiji: through you do deserve some rest.

ed: just relax! you had a bloody tough day at college! go to sleep!!!

me: okeyh.. yeay! nak relax!!

B* : *looks from afar, shaking his head*

------------------------------

I know, scary isn't it?? huhu...

Have Mercy...

currently listening to: Fuck Off by Wayne County and the Electric Chairs


was very emotional today



didn't have much thing to my liking.



there were even someone who made it worst...


sentap!


feel like screaming on top of my lungs



I hate days like this..



BLAH LAAA!!!!!!

Chaotic

I don't know what has got into me this time around.`really.

Last weekend, I thought of going back home for shopping (MEGA sale dowh!!) but my parents weren't home. My dad who have a dislocated shoulder one month ago went to Penang for some serious massage. (ade dukun patah ape tah, tak ingat la plak) so my shopping trip was canceleeed for obvious reason. realising I have no plans for the weekend (since my shopping plan was crushed) I went out with Juna and her friend from Australia (blaja je, bukan minah salleh pon :P) Guess what? we went to OU! haha! (like so ironic gile)

We ate at TGV, eh TGI Fridays. (gile makan kencang) both of the girls pick out a 3-course meal set while I, wanting to play safe, only ordered the grilled salmon. (katelah diorang makan appetiser dah ala-ala kenyang! hehe) so I had to play Zaimi/Keker's role (walaupon tak berjaya) in eating up the rest of the foodstuff with them. we never did finish any of the dishes. the Europeans must be so proud of us!:P

after resting abit(tunggu perot turun sket) we went out for a window shopping-spree. there were so many things that the girls looked and ah and oouh but none of them bought anything. "mesti target dulu, then bawak mak dtg" (tau dah taktik) oooh, and there was this incident involving Juna. Basicly, Juna + tube dress+ mannequin = a hilarious disaster!! ahahaahahaa!

at the end of the day, me, wanting to make some tiramisu, bought all of the ingredients and we set back home to Cyberjaya. The journey back was quiet, so I took out my wallet and played around with it. to cut the long journey story short, when I reached my room, I realised that my left my wallet in the car that is now heading back to Seremban (kot..) I was like

SHOOOOoooOOoOoTT!!!


there goes my money and my licence (macamlah drive sgt pon) and my bank card and my... money?! ahhh!! (dalam hati menyumpah diri sendiri gi gatal sgt memain dalam kete orang. Waa, matilah rase macam "bogel" takde beg duit kat bontot! erk, gile la takde duit utk 2/3 hari!!!.... Aaaaaaahh well, saje je exaggerate lebey. Pau budak2 rumah nie sudah *sneaky grin*)

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the next day, I made the tiramisu, despite not having any cream at all. I also went against my will in adding abit of the chocolate bar into the cheese mixture. the result? the tiramisu had a teeny weeny bit of too much chocolate than I had planned. It wasn't really what I would consider a tiramisu, so I'm not satisfied! Grr.... meknotnye, minggu depan buat lagik!! haha!

so here's the recipe:

basic tiramisu:

1 block cream cheese, chopped (so the creaming would be easier)
2 eggs, separated the whites and the yolks
1 bowl caster sugar (through I only used 3/4 of it)
300ml whipping/ heavy cream (through I didn't use any)
125ml espresso
10 coffee biscuits (the hard ones)
vanilla essence

so cream the cheese, yolks, and half of the sugar until it is thick. (mampos la nak patah tgn aku pukul cheese ituh!!)

beat the egg whites with the other half of sugar until it form soft peaks. Then beat the whipping cream until light and fluffy*. Fold into the cheese mixture. If you are afraid of the salmonella poisoning, just cook it slowly on a double boiler until it is thicken. (read: medic students are paranoids!!)

wash the biscuits in the espresso and arrange in the container. pour the cheese mixture. add another layer of washed biscuits and pour the remaining mixture.

chilled for at least one hour and sprinkle cocoa powder before serving.

*through mine varied with the addition of melted chocolate and NO whipped cream :(
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watched the band competition with Zaimi, Milla, Juna and Fat (walaupon pegi tgk band, Timah bawak barang cam nak pi picnic! ahaha!). The VI band was not so amazing anymore, much to Zaimi's dismay. they were just prancing around, leaving the bag pipes on the ground most of the tie (through they were the only band with bagpipes). they even took out a rose to dance with the tune of that CINTHA song from Indonesia. personally I think the girl's school were better (the one in purple, semangat cucms!! ahaha).

"bang, nak no phone boleh?" <----- tak boley blah!!

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a couple of things I realized this week:

1. There is a new parking lot in OU that I've never been to (it's actually the hotel's parking lot)
2. I have a bit of short term memory lost, although it's kinda mild
3. I could exercise through cooking (creaming is very tiring)
4. I'm not that freak out of the Professional exams anymore. (is that a good thing??)
5. my weight had reduced to a light 50 kg again (time to stimulate that eating binge again)
   
6. My projects are far from schedule... through thats normal for me.
7. I'm becoming more clumsier since I haven't been outside much.
   

Away With The Winds

currently listening continuously to: Orrinoco Flow by Enya

hurm~

The tension builds yet again this week. the whole "pass up your assigments before 8am in groups" block is finally ending tomorrow. The dreaded (read: sleepless nights) hour of suddenly lying awake, realizing the questions haven't been send yet to Akak Ros (not to mention the editing part...took hours to finish it. Terima kasihla wahai orang-orang yg berkenaan) but, I just can't put my grip on this particular feeling. Althrough I can't hardly wait for the LAST systemic block to end, at the same time, I can't let it go.

To have the block end tomorrow, meaning we will be only 2 months away from our PROFESSIONAL EXAMS!! If we (meaning me) were meant to pass this obstacle, we will be sent to Terendak for our 3rd year postings (clinical) where we would be taught further in the medical art of curing people (as Prof. Latiff puts it) it finally came to me.


This is so sCaRry!!


Throughout my life, I had troubles growing up. The thing is, I just don't want to grow up that fast. shitt-O!! I still like cartoons, anime and comics/manga. Anything with a bit of the o'l magic would draw my interest. sometimes, I just can't apprehend the views of what the normal "adults" see in life and in social relation making me very unapt to socialize with the mature grown ups . yes, some friends of mine (those who are close to me, bless them) would say that I got the mouth of a machine gun, but leave me with someone old enough to be my proffesor and I'd be like a clueless shit without anything to comment/ talk about.

how I wish I could remain carefree as always, chasing the winds...


(O' how I envy all of you)


neways, have to concentrate on the exams tomorrow.

what a way to procrastinate, eh?

I Missed My Old Self

currently playing: Sweet Escape by Gwen

wuuhhh....

on Friday,

it was a depressing morning as I didn't get what I want. Not to say I don't deserve it, but hey.. padan muke sape suruh x studi dgn kencangnye kan? ...anyway, was on a war-emo-path that morning because urm~ ...long story-short, my dad got into an accident and I planned on calling him later, like after the exam, but my Hp decided to run out of battery just when the exam finished. the results were posted later along with the PPD (the drama entails... ) add that to a couple other misdemeanor by the people around me, I felt the need to blow off some steam.

And what better way other than attacking the people close to you? right?


That's what I DID.


Later, after the words have been said, I felt bad about it. What's done is done. Hated myself for it. Ashamed , to the very least. Of course, I apologize for what I did to the person. Thank God he understands that I do stupid things sometimes.

If I could escape
I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold.

somehow I could relate this part of the lyric to what I've done...

really have to stop this bad habit of mine.

nuff said..

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Played badminton with Khir, Zaimi, Keke and Mira-alia around five O' clock. I ranted about how I am already berkarat and how long since I last hold the racket. Deep down, was hoping the that I'm still as good as I was in the old days, and I'll rock the court, leaving them in awe.


I DANCED the whole game instead. They were laughing throughout the game. I was laughing. We were laughing. (nak pecah perot eden)

It was loads of fun. I didn't mind at all dancing playing among the other people in the court.

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that night, Adli the Chomel, Zaimi da Control Machio, Malique the Diva, and Pian Ratu Raja Gelek went to the Mines for some kare-O-ke. Zaimi partner with Pian while me and Malique form another duo. We had 14 songs! (1 free song because of techincal error) and it was damn tiring. Exhilarating, but tiring. Malik used all the high pitch songs (throw in some Ella and Ratu songs) plus Pian sang an Alley Cats song!! (kuar tade suare ok!!)

bak kate Malique: takpe...lps nie kite kasi ziana zain lak, kasi roboh bilik karaoke!

And I totally agree. :D

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went back home yesterday,

My dad got a posterior-left dislocated shoulder. Other than that, nothing really serious was done plus a few wounds here and there (luke kecik jeh) He likes to make a fuss of it though, until I cleaned the wound (read: satu luke) suddenly all the wounds are no longer there according to him. (matilah aku keje cuci luke ganas sgt!!)

Enjoyed the kuih tart mak fini buat! urm.. sedaapp! Ate the kacang gajus/cashew/jagus with the family and my mum gave me baby figs!! haha.. best2!

Later, I went to korek the almari, and found some lost treasures. *gempaks* found some long-lost clothes too. (abis la penoh almari aku kat cyber nie!)

hehe... wanted to make something for Prof. Ikram (last Friday was his birthday) but it kinda slipped my mind until it was already too late. owh well..

Shame on me if you fool me twice

currently listening to: background music of grey's anatomy 325 ending (kinda melancholic)

It has been a while since I last updated my blog. Generally, it's because of lack of pictures to put in the blog, so... (saje je alasan)

anyway, went to see a surgery this evening... Izani called Husni and me while we were searching for food. Quickly, I dump the idea of my stomach growling and the three of us went to An-Nur instead. While in the car, we suffered a little bit of anxiety attack, so we started to search for the books that might help us when Dr. Razalee asks us something in the OT!! (shit-0) all we could see through, was a pathophysiology book and a clinical examination book. menolong la sgt kan? matilah aku kene bambu ngn Dr. Razalee!! we decided to just walk in anyway (rempoh je) but not before calling Prof. Nasar and asking for help on the histology of the GIT (just in case, desperate siot huhu)

while we were in the changing room, Husni and Izani played around with the scrubs, somehow, they managed to confuse me into wearing a long sleeved scrubs. I only realized it when we were in the OT, I was like shit!! this is the second time!! NOT AGAIN!!! waaaaaaa!! (tapi buat muke selambe, whatever la kan) anyway, the abdomen was already open (laparotomy) when we were in, and the small intestine were already out... (mcm dalam medic tv tuh)
so Dr. Razalee asked us; what's the cause of intestinal obstruction? we timidly said it can be caused by mechanical and physiological obstruction..

"so what's the cause for mechanical?"

"urm.. urr.. urr..." *stutter*

"takkan tak tau kot? ni mesti tido dalam scl." (kene sebijik)

"urm~ tumour??"

"HA, lagik?"

"urm.. constriction, fibrosis of the wall, fusion, unperforation???"

"saye x nak pathophysiology, nak causes? macam kalau congenital causes ape??"

erk! shitto!! ape ek??? all that i could think off was that congenital defect... omphalocele, gastroschiasis,and the fistula thingy which was highly unlikely...urgh...

the answer was a congenital band around the small intestine.

how could i ever forgot about it? (didn't even read it for the finals *sarcastic tone*)

so anyway,

we watched the surgery, while being bombarded by question (which we could answer, sort off) it was quite long... dah la tak makan dpd pagi (coz xde duit) then kene stand for like 2 hours in the OT, naseb baek tak pengsan!!

Prof. Ikram was telling us how he had used the GA for the guy and now is putting him on the second bag of normal saline. the guy is going to be really dehydrated (baru blaja pagi tuh) especially coz his intestine is out in the open for the air to suck it dry (moisture wise, 10 mL/Kg/min) . per minute babey... damn fast, so that's why they put the wet cloth on it.. huhu...

Dr. Razalee was calm, through the operation was difficult as there were many a time when he tried to pull the intestine out, it was stuck all over. somehow the position of the intestine were messed up, good thing nothing got tangled and form a knot (else it would really be a messy job, huhu) while Dr. razalee was meraba-ing inside the abdomen, he found an appendix in the center of the abdominal cavity!!! shoot!! it's supposed to be at your lower right quadrant (terrer tak aku tau anatomy?? wuuu!! bangge siot!) the appendix was cut out even through it didn't pose any threat... yet! Dr. Razalee said that this is an exploratory surgery, where you check everything, if you find something abnormal, just cut it off. if not, just close it back (mcm penah dgr je ayat nie)

everytime the O2/Bp/PP machine (mental note: have to know what it is called) beeps, the three of us would jump up.. ahaha kiteorng yg melebeh.. Prof ikram selambe je. Layan2!!

finally when we have answered (not really) all the question, and the patient was fine, it's time to close up the whole thing. But, even through the band was cut, the small intestine was still dilated (it's like a balloon) so they had to squeeze the contents upwards:

small intestine----> gastric

boy, was that scary... the thing look so fragile and yet it's being squeeze out (takot gile kalo tepecah)!! when it reaches the gastric, Prof. Ikram who had prepared the suction machine, suck it out. But midway along the procedure, the tube got stuck, and we only realised that AFTER the feces/chyme came out through the patient's mouth + nostrils! shit, SHIT gile! Husni got some of it on his toe coz he's the nearest to the fella. Prof Ikram quickly suck the feces out. cleared the mouth and nostrils and all... (dalam ati, only God knows la kan kalo taik ade kat dlm mulut...) after clearing the whole thing, Dr. Razalee put the intestine (now a bit flattened) into the abdomen before closing the wound... (cube teka die suture gune teknik ape??)

we were offered to watch another surgery (ceaserean section) but we were too tired, plus there is no extra scrubs left and Prof. Ikram is going to go back home... (tanak dok ngn doktor2 yg tak dikenali!!)

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there were some things running through my mind this past few weeks. serious things. So, what do you do when you face this situation;

even through you know, but you can't tell,
even if you want to help, you cannot??
and all you can really do, if any, is just


wait...


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this post seriously is full of purple!! semangat kolej!!

I'm Waiting...

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

WAITING

For you…